Friendship. Supposedly a simple equation. People meet, find out they have things in common, decide to spend unlimited amounts of time together and there you have it, friends forever. Well, perhaps in Neverland, but in reality friendship is as fleeting a commodity as fuel in Zimbabwe. When one puts everything in perspective, there are too many obstacles within this equation that need to be overcome for it to be this simple. This is why when the nature of females is juxtaposed to the nature of males, the men are more likely to be able to move past these obstructions and form long lasting friendships.
It is perfectly justifiable really. Females, to be blatantly honest are too demanding. To elucidate: females are selfish, self-conscious, vain, imposing, envious and bitter. In other words, they know how to hold a grudge. First year is unfortunately full of many surprises, particularly for those who come to university with big hopes and big dreams which tend to be crushed within the first few lectures. It becomes clear that in fact just because someone smiles at you doesn’t mean they like you and your perky attitude to life is not refreshing, it’s just annoying. Another factor is ‘rez’ life. Your residence is not a home away form home, but rather the place where you sleep and keep your clothes. Females are always on guard in such cases, waiting to confront anyone who appears to be stepping in on their territory or displaying a similar fashion sense. So because I saw you, a person I don’t know, speaking to someone I know very well, you are now the enemy but also because you made no ridiculous effort to be part of my little exclusive group of friends, you have been black listed. To put it plainly, females never truly leave high school.
The male on the other hand is conveniently a less complicated species. As a man, or ‘guy’, if you happen to meet someone who shares your passion for soccer, you’re all set. His ‘feelings’ are not a concern of yours because you are trying by all means not to look gay. Your residence is not a war zone; on the contrary it is a fraternity, a brotherhood. The camaraderie found between males is unbreakable and so if your friend makes a move on your girlfriend, you do not plot his destruction through a series of evil eyes in front of his classmates. No. You merely punch him in the jaw, use a couple of profanities and then you move on. Not only do you remain friends with this person but you then go and dump your girlfriend for causing such a rift between you in the first place. First year males generally have a better chance of maintaining these friendships because there is no risk of waking up in the middle of the night with half your hair dyed green and your clothes ripped to pieces because you just happened to sit on the wrong table at lunch!
I know. This theory stems from a string of stereotypes and so cannot obviously apply to everyone in first year or in university. However, one should probably take into consideration that a stereotype does not actually create itself and therefore logically speaking, has an element of truth in it. Granted there are exceptions, that is where we find the unwavering “best friends forever” sharing a pizza in the common room in their final years; but as life shows us more often than not, ‘forever’ is only just a couple of months.
First year males are more likely to remain friends than first year females
Journ 1
Letter to self
Dear Innocent,
Let me guess, you’re starting to put your things together, excited and anxious about beginning your first year at Rhodes. You’re probably trying to imagine exactly what it will be like in your new and exhilarating life. Well, don’t. Chances are it will be neither what you are expecting nor what you are hoping for. Shocked? So was I. Frankly speaking, the fact is your expectations will only make the reality of the situation both useless and disappointing. Why, you ask? Well, the list is endless really, but to spare your pitiful but admirable idealistic optimism, I will focus on one thing. The Plague of the Façade. What this means my naïve and gullible little friend, is that what you see is never what you get. This became apparent to me after a few months of being here, and unfortunately for me, I had had no previous warnings of this epidemic and had to as they say, learn from my own experience. Contrary to what you may so trustingly believe, people do not become friends merely on the basis of them sharing common interests. In fact, this is hardly the case. Simply put, varsity is merely a bigger high school with more fake people. I was taught this by a sad encounter with people in my tutorials who seemed to like to make conversation during the tutorials but as soon as we were out of it could neither remember my name nor recognize my face. I say this not to scare you, but to prepare you. Do not pay any attention to people who try to change you but focus on those who want to accept you. Life is so much easier that way. So enjoy it little one, and pack an umbrella!
Your older, learned self.
Von
I’m sure by now the reality of your situation has hit you and that you’re terrified…Bags not packed, so much to do, leaving everyone - WAIT! Stop thinking about all this. I wish I could really come back in time and tell you all these things. You would be a lot less stressed.
Thinking about what to advise you on was very difficult. Telling you about something like heartbreak seemed ludicrous, as my experiences of that particularly charming aspect of life are the same as yours. So, after much head-scratching and deliberation, I decided to give you some tips on alcohol. Yes, I did write “alcohol”. Never thought you would need advice on THAT, of all things, did you? Well, fear not, you are not an alcoholic, but you drink a fair amount more than you used to. Okay, that’s an understatement. Let’s just say that drinking twice a year is a thing of the past. Or rather, a thing of your present. I won’t preach. Basically, what I want to say is BE RESPONSIBLE! You had a drunken escapade in June that DID NOT end well and I would like to avoid a repeat performance, understand? Don’t drink anything that u KNOW makes you mindless (think about the Lupini episode - I think you get the point). Another reason to not drink ridiculous amounts of alcohol is the consequential weight gain. You might think it’s not possible for you to put on weight…believe me, sweetie, you are wrong. Also, like Mummy always says, “Drinking gives you wrinkles!”. I cannot prove or disprove this, but it is better to be cautious, right?
I hope u take some of this to heart (especially the weight thing). Enjoy your year. Take it from me, you have NEVER had this much fun.
Lots of love,
